Trusting is Hard Sometimes

I had a horrible weekend.

I know a lot has to do with my mental health and how I feel things but boy was it a tough weekend- especially in the trust arena.

I had terrible thoughts going through my head. I felt incredibly pathetic and out of control.

My husband and I fought which brought me to tears; Even my little girl was worried about us. She came to me and said: I don’t want you and daddy to get a divorce.

What?! Oh my heart!

Yeah it was an awful weekend.

I’m still trying to get free from the claws of feeling trapped and out of control.

I know that our money issues are real and my husband having left his other job to start a new business is real.

But how can I look past that and just trust?

My landlady sent me a message asking if we’ll be paying the rest of rent today. Ugh!! I hate hate hate letting people down. And hate not having the upper hand and that means not owing people anything even though I do have lots of student debt.

I am trying so hard to be happy and trust my husband and trust the situation but I desperately want to leave Mexico.

I’ve even had visions of living with my mom. I guess it’s a sense of security that I’m seeking. When we were in heated discussion, I even told my husband that maybe he should stay if that’s what he wants. Me and the kids can go stay with my mom.

And no he doesn’t want to stay in Mexico but he does want us to wait to go or until we can make more money. I say – I want to leave ASAP! I feel like we’ve been here way to long and I hate to wait.

Again…..